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Unhappy gay and lesbian couples tend to show low levels of “physiological arousal.” This is just the reverse for straight couples. “This trend suggests that gay and lesbian partners have a tendency to accept some degree of negativity without taking it personally,” Dr. Same sex partners’ positive comments have more impact on feeling good, while their negative comments are less likely to produce hurt feelings.
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This appears to be reversed in gay and lesbian couples. In straight couples, it is easier to hurt a partner with a negative comment than it is to make one’s partner feel good with a positive comment. In a fight, gay and lesbian couples take it less personally. “The difference on these ‘control’ related emotions suggests that fairness and power-sharing between the partners is more important and more common in gay and lesbian relationships than in straight ones.” Gottman and Levenson also discovered that gay and lesbian partners display less belligerence, domineering, and fear in conflict than straight couples do. Same-sex couples also use fewer controlling, hostile emotional tactics. Straight couples may have a lot to learn from gay and lesbian relationships,” suggests Dr. “When it comes to emotions, we think these couples may operate with very different principles than straight couples. Gay and lesbian couples are also more likely to remain positive after a disagreement. Compared to straight couples, gay and lesbian couples use more affection and humor when they bring up a disagreement, and partners often give it a more positive reception. Same-sex couples are more upbeat in the face of conflict. In conducting interviews, coding facial expressions, and collecting other measures, the researchers found the following. We know that these ups-and-downs may occur in a social context of isolation from family, workplace prejudice, and other social barriers that are unique to gay and lesbian couples.” However, his research uncovered differences suggesting that workshops tailored to gay and lesbian couples can have a strong impact on relationships.
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Gottman, “Gay and lesbian couples, like straight couples, deal with every-day ups-and-downs of close relationships.
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This result supports prior research by Lawrence Kurdek and Pepper Schwartz, who found that gay and lesbian relationships are comparable to straight relationships in many ways.Īccording to Dr. One key finding: Overall, relationship satisfaction and quality are about the same across couple types (straight, gay, and lesbian) that Dr. John Gottman and Robert Levenson (UC Berkeley) were able to learn what makes same-sex relationships succeed or fail in The 12 Year Study. Using state-of-the-art methods to study 21 gay and 21 lesbian couples, Drs. Together, the Gottmans have made a commitment to assuring that lesbian and gay couples have as much access as straight couples to resources for strengthening and supporting their relationships. Julie Schwartz Gottman have observed the strength and resilience of same-sex couples, even in the midst of the cultural and social stresses to which they are uniquely vulnerable. Today, in the aftermath of Pride – in the wake of parades and marches strutting their colorful stuff through the streets of Seattle, Portland, Cleveland, New York, and Chicago – we’d like to turn our attention to same-sex relationships.ĭr.